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Five tips to cope with grief during the holidays
Holidays,
including any special day, can be an especially difficult time for people who
have experienced the death of someone dear to them. It's often a time when the
experience and feelings of loss is heightened.
If this is your first holiday season without your loved one, be prepared for the holiday to feel different than it has in the past. As holidays approach, you may
experience a sense of dread and wish you didn't have to face the arrival of the holidays at
all. Rather than anticipating the feeling of joy, you may feel increased pain and sadness associated
with memories of your loved one, even when the loss was not recent. Feelings of
being "alone in the
crowd" when
the rest of the world seems to be celebrating are also common.
Tips for coping with grief
Here are five ways to help you face grief during the holidays:
- Make
a plan.
Create a plan about what you'll do to mark the holiday and who you'll be with. Let go of
what you or others think you "should do" and focus on what you need. A plan can
help manage feelings of dread and help you feel more prepared. Make sure the
plan is respectful of your energy and your feelings. A plan to cope with grief can include things
you've always done or something different.
- Consider the needs of children.
If there are children in your
family, remember that they tend to rely on consistency, so even if a parent has
died there might still be a way to celebrate the holidays. However
you choose to observe the holiday, understand that it will never be the same as it was before. Grief will
certainly be part of the experience.
- Realize grief is unique.
Each person experiences grief in their own way. It's important to
understand that family members may have different needs during this time. The actual day may or may not be not as bad as
imagined. For some the
anticipation of the day is harder, for others the aftermath is harder.
- Stay flexible.
Keep your plan as flexible and as
simple as possible. There may be times when you need to skip certain activities
depending on how you or family members are feeling. In response to invitations,
let people know that you'll need to see how you're feeling on the day of the
event as you may or may not be up for it. Don't feel pressure to over-commit
yourself.
- Make
time for feelings and self-care.
It's important to acknowledge
that you'll need time and space for the feelings that are likely to arise. Be
sure to include self-care in your plan—take a nap, warm bath or walk, eat
nutritious food or use a journal to express your thoughts and feelings.
Ways to remember your loved one
Finding ways to remember your loved one during
the holidays gives everyone permission to
acknowledge the loss and provides a way to continue the relationship with the
loved one. Some ideas include:
- set a place at
the table or place flowers or a special object
- share stories of
the loved one around the table or during a gathering
- light a candle
for the loved one
- volunteer
somewhere in their memory
- read a poem or
story in honor of the person
- create a memory
book or box with your children
- make a donation
in their memory
- keep a tradition or aspect of the holiday they enjoyed or that meant a lot to them in their honor
Grief support
You'll get through this time, even when it's painful. Joining a group or talking with a counselor can give you important
support during this difficult time. One of the most important things you can do
for yourself when you're grieving is to get support, whether from friends,
family and/or outside support. Support groups or counseling can help you know
that you're not alone and offer information about grief and loss that can help
normalize the many feelings that arise.
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